Blessed

i've been reading a couple of blogs lately and it seems alot of people have had some sort of event that change their outlook on life or just made them feel angry / happy. but in the end they make some sort of discovery about their life and themselves.

and i think its through these blog that I myself have come to my own discovery.

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Normally i don't talk about being a Christian to others openly; only when i get asked a certain question that involves me in doing so.

over these past couple of months i've been challenged to be more outgoing with my faith; not so much the whole knocking on doors in inappropriate times kind of thing but kind of openly saying; "Hey; sup. i'm a Christian and i love God"
and on top of that i've been challenged to spend more time with God.

i find myself veering away from the crooked and narrow (it's NEVER straight and narrow - trust me) and tending to go to the wider, straighter and much comfortable Worldly Road. i tend to succumb to the worldly charms; Drinking amongst other things...

the thing is; Drinking isnt bad... but Getting Drunk; that's a whole another thing.
Drinking alcohol GETS you drunk so it's better off not to drink. even if your Oh so confident that your "Never get Drunk"; you're human - you get drunk.
i was just informed that i might have this thing where i dont have enough enzymes in my stomach to process alcohol (either that or i'm just a complete lightweight) - so if i even drink like a bottle of beer; i go red immediately and i start to get headaches and stuff - worse come to worse; i feel sleepy and end up vomiting soon after.

not a pretty sight i gotta tell ya.

so i try to steer away from drinking really. But being the weak willed idiot that i am - i get pulled in by peer pressure. *headpalm*

My relationship with God has been a roller-coaster ride. i'd be unbelievably passive one time, then a youth camp / youth conference comes up and i'm all high and all Godly and whatnot then a few months pass and i'm back in the slump.

one time i was in a huge 2 year slump - i think i probably backslid or something. i was living a double life; i'd be swearing and doing all this stuff at school then at home i was the Kid sent from above.

i thank my parents for putting me in a Christian School rather than stayin in the Public one. For one - i wouldnt have to wake up at 5:30 everyday just to get to class 10 mins late. but by putting me in the Christian School; i kinda was in a relationship plateu with God. like, i wasnt the bad boy that came from the public school anymore - i was more like the meek kid from the public school who somehow survived hell.

but as the years went by i didnt see myself going anywhere with God. sure; i'd go to youth and church every week, id play in the band, sacrifice time and money to go to christian events and stuff...
but i felt like it was just for show. many of my christian friends didnt come from a christian family; they made the personal decision to follow Christ. now i'm not saying i didnt do that; i made the personal decision to follow God but not because i had a huge revelation and experience of how God loves me SO MUCH; but more like i knew that God loved me through other people and i took their word for it.

kinda makes me feel inadequate yknow.

I feel like that they (Christian - non christian Background) have come to a more personal relationship with God cos they had no idea who God was and then BAM here he is; all his glory and infinite love waiting for you to come to Him. it seems like they experience God on a much deeper level than I do; just cause they know the experience and i just know the Theory and the bible smarts.

i feel like that i dont get the "full Christian effect" that some people have; but the thing is - it's not God's fault. it's mine. i dont act upon it and try to get closer to God. i mean i go to prayer meetings and i praise God but it's all in the confines of the church. i barely do that at home; i only pray to God when i need something - mostly forgiveness - but never just to talk to Him. i never seem to give God time, i'm always doing something; either procrastinating on Youtube and Facebook or just working on assignments in general - i've never stopped and sat down, read the bible, talked to God and think about what he's told me.

i feel like i havnt done a thing for Him when i know for a FACT that God has done SO MUCH STUFF for me.

he healed me from bronchitis when i was a baby;
he provided me with great parents (although frustrating at times)
given me great friends; christian and non, real life and internet ones (whom i will meet soon) - i love you guys
given me the most wonderful girl ever to walk the face of the earth :P lol you know who u are - love ya
and just putting up with and forgiving me for all the screw ups that i've done in these 19 years that i've been around.
and so much more that i might have not known or remembered.

ive been so blessed but i've never seemed to return the affection. i feel so inadequate knowing that other people are so into God that everything else is just an addition prize to what God has to really offer.
i know i can do much better - i'm trying; i really am but these past couple of months i havnt had that push to reach and grasp God's hand; i dont want some catastrophe or some major dilemma to hit me for me to reach to God, but the thing is - God's kind of done that. He's used other people's experiences to teach me these things. to help me realize what i'm missing. because some of the people who have experience these troubles have either come to God or tried to do it themselves; and the latter seldom works - even if it did, not very well.

it all comes down to spending time with God - that's all i've been missing; i know His word but i can always learn more. i know his love but i can always experience it further cos i know that there's no limit.

I've GOT to spend more time with God; even if it's a quick minute, read a verse, pray - i think my relationship with Him will be all the more sweeter in the long run.

lol sorry if i've just yammered on about all this God stuff; but i felt like writing it down. yknow - show you guys my faith and all.

Thanks to all the bloggers that have inspired me to become a better Christian even though some of you arent even christians yourselves. i'm not gonna name any names :P

love you all and God bless.